I will be... oneday

Have you ever been in a situation where you leave wishing you did more..There are sometimes not always but sometimes where I just wish I was a mover.  Not just a mover but a sayer.. Someone who moves and says things that they feel and not just because they feel like it, but because at that moment at that very second it was the best time to say it.  And so I fall with the rest of us in the category of damn.. I wish I said this.. or I wish I did this. 

And so I say with this situation... damn I should've said something.

You see I had to do some extreme shopping and it was at a time where I had to take the two little ones.  I had my list and I was prepared.  I knew what I wanted.  But it was a mission. Picture this.

The two little ones, me a small cart and a list.

The list consisted of 64 t shirts to purchase with a handful of paint to use to decorate the shirts.

And at this store, this crafty store that I do like, they don't have the biggest carts. Why the hell do they have a small cart for a craft store that you know you're going to purchase more than what fits in there... I have no clue.

But anyhow, I was there on a mission ready to buy 64 shirts.  I knew the sizes.  I went in on a mission.

I went to the front and asked where I could find the shirts, since they were on sale.  I also told them that I was planning to buy a lot and if it was OK to do that.  And they greeted me with a smile and an of course you can grin.

So i went to the back.  With my list.  Small cart. And two babies.  On a mission.

I found the shirts and Ama was very helpful.  But towards the time I was counting she got restless.  So she played next to me. I turn around and see a worker just placing things on the shelf.  Then I noticed she had a head set.  And was listening to someone on the head set.  And look my direction.  At first I thought oh good they might ask to see if I need help.. since i did have two kids and a small ass cart that didn't really carry all t shirts or babies at the same time.

But she just was working, she looked towards me and said something to the head set and turned the corner.

First it didn't phase me.  But then after I placed all 64 shirts in we went to the decorating section.  Ama found the paint and was knocking them down.  We played a pick up game.  Santiago was playing with my list. And we were still playing the game.  Then I look up and what looked like the manager was in the aisle.  I smiled kind of embarrassed that Ama had knocked down the paint.  But we were picking it up.  And I was given the look.. the suspicious look.  The look like.. "this lady looks like she might take something or if she doesn't take something then maybe she will have her kids take something and if she doesn't do that then maybe she will be careless and not take care of her kids so they might damage things.. we better keep an eye or her" look.  And I know sometimes I might be wrong but usually I'm right.  I brushed it off, since that was the least of my worries.  I needed to survive in that store long enough to go and purchase the shirts and leave.  We then were looking for other things.. and I swear at every freaking corner there was someone keeping an eye on me and the kids. We should have done a little dance or a little show for them.. A pick this shit up from the cart and put it away from the floor show. But I needed the shirts.  and I couldn't do that.

When I was done, we went to the register and well wouldn't you know it EVERYONE was there.  All of the people who kept an eye on me.  I was a little shocked and waited for them to say something like.  Ma'am can we check your purse. Oh wait.. you don't have a purse just a wallet.  Ok Ma'am can we check your diaper bag.. Oh wait you don't have a diaper bag since our cart is so damn small and doesn't fit there either. Ok Ma'am can we check your kids diapers.. or wait they're just full of pee .. but I didn't hear any thing.  Not a single damn thing.  Just a lets help "Stanly" at the register since this crazy lady has a big order to purchase look/smile. 
 

I was hoping they would have just said something. But instead they just made me feel like an ass the whole time there.  As if I was a suspicious buyer, with crazy kids ready to ruin their store.  And what did I do to let them know how I felt. NOTHING! 

Yup... I said nothing... I went to the counter.. told them Complicated Order... Complicated Order.  humor up the situation and said NOTHING else.  Not a you know you guys made me feel not so comfortable.  And next time you see a customer struggling with trying to push a full cart and take care of her two year old and one year old maybe instead of watching her every damn move.. maybe next time you could ask if she needs help.. But I didn't .  I said. NOTHING... So now I'm in training.  I will some day be a sayer.  A word I made up myself and instead of venting through the blog.. I promise to speak up and one day say something.  But for now I just vent on here.   

And the babies were troopers through it all.  Even when they were restless they did awesome. I had to resort to things I normally wouldn't do to entertain them.  They were happy, especially Ama.

They were so good we went to Target afterwards... Just to make us feel better.  And Ama loved every bit of it especially since she got her candy.  She also told me that this picture of the model was Pwwweety.  So I told her to smile like her since she was prettier than the model.  And guess what... She did.  Even with her blue face... she posed and smiled.  Made my day better. :)